Friday, November 4, 2011

Sparks, Balloons, and Wrestling Matches

It was a lame Sunday and Mr. Responsibility had to work. Baldilocks was still asleep, so I decided to give Sunshine a bath. Afterwards, I got out the brush and started to lazily blow dry her lovely copper hair. It was such a  joy to do a nice simple task without interruptions. That's exactly what I was thinking when the blow dryer started screeching and spitting sparks at my child's head.

As any good parent would do, I immediately started dancing and screaming, tossing the blow dryer and its exposed, broken wire onto the wet floor. Then, I threw my daughters terrified little body out of the bathroom, yanked the cord from the socket, shrieked, jumped, and, of course, woke up Baldilocks.

This situation caused me to put Budgeted/Shop Local Only Mom in the closet and take out Credit Card/Walmart Mom. We went for a new blow dryer and a trauma gift for the girls: foil balloons. The rest of the night went off with out a hitch.

Around 4 am I woke with start, The Jungle Kid! I didn't get a balloon for The Jungle Kid, and she'll be here in a few short hours! How crappy is it for an 18 month old to come to her cousins' house and have no foil balloon! Worst auntie ever!

The children resembled an angry swarm of bees around the balloons until 2 when I threw their tiny behinds into car seats and headed back to Walmart. Super-Organized Mom had the forethought to bring the two previously purchased balloons and the receipt to avoid making a scene. Visions of amazed bystanders danced in my head. "How does she do it?" they will think. "Three well-behaved toddlers in her cart, she makes it look so easy! She must be a saint!"

It was awesome for a moment or two before the introduction of the new balloon. Immediately, three toddlers were standing screaming and wresting over a string, and Loud/Grouchy/Walmart Mom made a rapid appearance. We were hastily ushered through the checkout lane, and I sprinted to the car. In record time, kids were in their seats, but with the last click of the belt, something went flying past my head. 

I helplessly grabbed for and missed The Jungle Kid's balloon as it was sucked from the car by a gust of wind and sent flying across the parking lot. Super/Fast/Awesome Mom sprinted and untangled the balloon from a car and saved the day. 

Ten minutes later Pooped-out/Relieved mom was sitting on the couch ignoring the angry little bee swarm working it's way around living room. 

***Tip of the day: Don't buy balloons if you have more than one child. If someone is evil or naive enough to give them to your children, pop them after the kids are tucked nicely in bed, and don't forget to take out the garbage.


  1. Good fun :) Should be entertaining to see what you come up with next :)